Reality is Stranger than Fiction

Grills Gone Wild

2008-08-01T09:40:00.008-05:00

So You Think You Can Dance the Live Show had it's tickets go on pre-sale this morning and I just bought my ticket (a high quality floor seat) for Charlotte in November. I am bristling with excitement and anticipation.

So You Think You Can Dance the television show has gotten to the point where I don't want to see anyone eliminated. They are all great dancers. They are all winners in my book. The only reason I keep watching is because the choreography continues to knock my socks off. I'm glad that this excellence has been recognized by the Emmy nominations (this year) and awards (last year). This isn't a competition; it's unadulterated entertainment.

One thing is for certain. Cat Deeley should stay away from grills.

Targeting the Back to Schoolers

2008-07-26T14:34:00.019-05:00

Some ads are boring. Some ads are clever but you as the viewer think "sure that was entertaining, but I'm not buying that product". Some ads are offensive. Some ads are thinly veiled. Other ads make you feel as if you were just ass-raped. But there is one series of ads that steps above and beyond all this.

I have spoken before of my love for Target ads. Unlike many ads, when you are done watching a Target ad, you usually feel better. Better about yourself, better about the world, just better in general, really. When you are reading a good article in Wired magazine, the tone makes you feel like this is the most important, mind-shattering, revolutionary topic right now, no matter what it is. In a similar way, when you are watching a Target ad, you feel like you are having a life flash before your eyes, and it's someone's life who was totally awesome. When Target is showing you puppy dogs and pogo sticks and a woman totally happy with her hair do, it's like a visual representation of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. In fact, maybe they should take that song instead of raping some old Paul McCartney song with puns.

This newest gem covers two college students dishing out some feng shui to their shared dorm room, just in time for the back to school shopping rush. Going after the elusive "come on mom, let's step it up one notch from Wal Mart, else what will the other girls think?" crowd, the ad documents the young women as they dance in unison, unpacking and decorating. Everything falls together like a Rube Goldberg machine, and in the end their room is totally kick ass.

Does this commercial live up to the high standards that Target has set in the past? It is certainly different than their product-montages-against-a-white-background series. And instead of using the Beatles library for fodder, it aims squarely at the younger crowd with a style of music the kiddies these days are calling raggaeton.

Speaking of kiddies, as I was watching this commercial, I got a feeling that I shouldn't be watching it. I have mentioned before that I think of most dancing as erotic perhaps partially because I was raised on Fred Astaire movies that use dancing as a metaphor for sex, but mostly because dancing is sexy. Watching these two young ladies shake their hips made me feel kind of naughty. It gave me that feeling I get when someone is typing in their password or PIN: I felt like I should look away; but it also gave me the response I get while passing a car accident: I couldn't seem to force myself to look away.

I kept expecting Chris Hansen to pop out and command, "Have a seat. Right over there."
"But Chris, I'm already sitting. I'm on my futon watching TV."
"Oh, watching TV?" Chris would retort, "Is that what you claim to be doing? Aren't you a little old to be watching this commercial? Is that some lube and a rag you've got there? What are you thinking!?!"
At this point I would scream, "Entrapment!" running from my house only to be tackled by local law enforcement.

So in a way, for me, I felt this Target ad lacked the gleeful innocence some of the others flout, but then again, I am not the intended audience. When did college freshman become so young? So, in short, this particular Target commercial doesn't exactly uplift me the way the others did.

As you read this, your computer is being infected...

2008-07-24T08:31:00.011-05:00

According to CNET news, Blogspot is the number one site for malware on the internet. Antivirus vendor Sophos claims it detects a webpage with malicious content every 5 seconds on this domain.

Finally, I don't need to scour the web for hours to pick up my daily dose of spyware, trojans, and other bits of malicious code. Before, I would have to travel from domain to domain, viewing questionable content that would sicken me, clicking links promising me that the nastiest farmyard porn ever or a working Photoshop CD-key was just around the corner, just so I could fill my computer up with stuff for SpyBot to remove (there's nothing I hate more than sitting through an entire SpyBot scan only to be informed "Congratulations! No immediate threats were found"... what a waste of time!). Now, all in one domain, I can acquire up to 60 pieces of malicious code in only 5 minutes. And best of all, Blogspot is owned by my favorite company, beloved Google. So in all my travels looking for trouble, I can support a company I believe in. Google has always said it wants to make all the world's information accessible to everyone. It never specified "only the desirable information." That's one of the things I love about Google; it doesn't discriminate. It doesn't matter if it's a Wikipedia entry, a bit of your own private personal private information, or a back-door root-kit; Google won't stop until everyone has access to it freely, quickly, and easily. Information wants to be free, after all. (Wait, what about "Do No Evil"?)

Keen readers may also notice that this actual blog itself is hosted on the domain in question. Let me tell you, the greatest thing about all this, according to CNET News, is that it's not only the bloggers that can shell out malware... that's right! The fun isn't limited to me! This is a participatory activity, everybody. The system on Blogspot that allows users to leave comments has exploits such that you too can use my blog as a malicious software relay to the entire world. Of course you might want to pick a blog that has a little more traffic than mine. Infecting my blog would be about as effective writing a virus for the Macintosh OS 9.

Blog in the Amazon

2008-07-21T10:45:00.013-05:00

As texts scrolls up the Facebook newsfeed, people see their friends have become fans of things and they too click "Become a Fan" and thus fandom spreads virally. I am often surprised to see the things people become fans of and the number of fans these things have. A friend of mine noted that Facebook is improperly weighted to newer phenomena (I would suppose due to the age of the crowd). For instance, simply looking at Facebook "fan" numbers, one would think Coldplay is a dozen times more talented, influential, and historically important (with its 359,281 fans as of this writing) than Beethoven (with his mere 27,946 fans). But we must remember that this is merely a popularity contest with a skewed slice of the population as it's voting participants (75% of Facebook users are 18-35 years old). All this indicates is that a Facebook dwelling Netizen is 12 times more likely to like Coldplay (and want to brag about it) than Beethoven.

The other day I saw that one of my friends had become a fan of Amazon.com. I enjoy Amazon with it's excellent selection, fair pricing, and inexpensive, expedient shipping (as an Amazon Prime member I enjoy free 2-day shipping and $3.99 overnight shipping). (As far as online retailers go, my love for Amazon is only approached by my feelings for NewEgg.) Anyway, I immediately clicked "Become a Fan" to join said cult, though in afterthought I considered it a bit odd. With 3,384 fans, Amazon.com is 9 times less popular than Beethoven, but that's not the point. 3383 people mindlessly clicked on a link ("Sure, I like Amazon too..."), but who was that first person, to create a group on Facebook to worship the online merchant? Was it a zealous cyber-shopper? Or perhaps instead an Amazon employee? Bands promote themselves through MySpace, and pornstars shamelessly self-promote on the FB, so why wouldn't an Online Store pimp it self via Facebook? Perhaps I am just jealous that Amazon is thirty one and a third times more popular than I.

On the bright side, this Facebook fan situation finally proves something that has been hotly contested for a long time: John Lennon was right. The Beatles are more popular than Jesus.

So You Think You Can Dance

2008-07-19T23:29:00.005-05:00

The traveling tour members are all picked out. For the first time this week each dancer performed a solo. Two new dance styles were presented for the first time on the show. The judges opinion no longer matters; audience voting is all that really does. It's just like after the Presidential Primary. The remaining competitors really have a chance and your votes really count.

The biggest surprise this week was that Jessica is injured and has been instructed not to dance for several weeks. She remains in the group of touring dancers, but will not be competing on the show anymore. Because of this Comfort rejoins the competition. Since all the couples were split up, Twitch was liberated from Kherrington, and subsequently Twitch and Comfort were paired, resulting in a hip hop routine that brought the house down.

What more can I say about this show after myself and others? After episodes and episodes, I have come to believe that the most prominent part of the show is, and this is not lost on the judges who mention it constantly, the excellent choreography it showcases. Sure this show exposes a good dancer now and again, but more profoundly, it repeatedly moves us with the beauty of it's choreographed numbers. It is doing for choreography what MTV did for music in the 80s-90s. And this is not the snooty choreography you would see on stage at a dance performance, nor the contrived choreography that you would see in a Hollywood movie, but rather Pop Choreography. Choreography anyone can appreciate. Everyman's choreography. If you don't watch this show, you owe it to yourself to check it out for this reason alone. You may think you know every way that the human body can move and have seen it all before, but you'd be wrong.

Searching for the new Christian in Project Runway 5

2008-07-19T18:45:00.020-05:00

Project Runway returns for Season 5 with a redux of it's supermarket challenge and ends up with mostly table cloth wrapped models strutting the catwalk. It was one of those rare instances on the show where so many offerings were terrible that it was difficult to guess who would be eliminated (similar to last season's create-men's-clothing challenge). One excellent exception to this was a brilliant (but somewhat ill-fitted) cocktail dress made entirely of those plastic cups that you see frat boys playing beer pong with. On the other end of the spectrum, Jerry's hideous hooded shower curtain ensemble made his model appear a Klan Jawa princess from the future (of some low budget Sci-Fi), proving that even with this many poor offerings, somebody has to be the "worst". Ouch.

But who cares about the outfits. The question on everybody's mind is surely "have the Bravo executive producers found this season's Christian replacement?" Christian's combination of confidence, on-screen charisma, fierce asymmetrical haircut, and spouting of trendy provocative phrases kept viewers tuning back for more, earned him an appearance on Ugly Better, and led to Amy Poehler honoring him with a parody sketch on Saturday Night Live. After viewing this one episode, I can't rule the possibility either way on whether any of this season's designers will steal the spotlight in a similar way. Although, seeing Austin Scarlett as a guest judge reminded me how much I like him. He is like a non-creepy version of the Shear Genius judge Kim VO, but I digress.

There is at least one person who bears a slight surface resemblance to Christian, but is not male. Leanne Marshall (Portland, OR resident and founder of the Leanimal clothing line) wears similar hipster style glasses... the type that I fall for every time. It is too early to judge these designers for their work or their on screen personalities, but Bravo proves once again that more-of-the-same is sometimes just-what-the-doctor-ordered.

Master of Orion

2008-07-19T18:31:00.010-05:00

Perhaps I was a bit harsh on NASA for troubles in their Orion Project. Any undertaking of that complexity is sure to meet with some stumbles. To make it up to NASA. Let me say something positive, if superficial, about the ship. It looks great. It is a perfect blend of the nostalgic feel of the old Apollo modules, and something futuristic like Earth Force One from Babylon 5.

Bang, zoom, straight to the moon!

2008-07-18T13:24:00.008-05:00

It's been over 35 years since a person landed on the Moon. The Apollo project made half a dozen manned moon landings back before I was even a fetus. Here we are in the year 2008 and not only do I have to deal with the fact that there are no flying cars, no cures for cancer or AIDS, and no robotic servants (except my beloved, but single-purposed Roomba), but also now the news is telling me that NASA's project to land a man on the Moon again by 2013 is running behind. NASA says it may take until 2015, and other analysts say it won't happen until at least 2020.

In 2004 President Bush declared we would return to the Moon and even establish a permanent base there. Four years later, we have no progress and NASA's saying it won't happen for at least another 7 years maybe if even then. Compare this to Kennedy saying in 1961 that we would land on the moon, and by 1969 we did. All I can say is: Bush, you're no Jack Kennedy. How come over 40 years ago we could accomplish in 8 years that which today we cannot accomplish in 11? With all the advances in technology it seems like we know less about space travel technology than we did then. Bring some scientists from the past to today and they could land someone on the moon immediately using knowledge they already posses and using technology that would look like an abacus next to a Playstation 3.

Some would say that the answer is that we have never landed on the Moon. I would say that those people a loony. Others would say it was because there was a space race back then and now there is no pressure. To them, I would answer that other nations have similar plans to land on the moon and create permanent moon bases just like the US and these include nations such as China, India, and Russia, the latter of which plans to have cosmonauts on the Moon by 2025 and establish a permanent manned base there in 2027-2032. If we fall any further behind, the Commies will win Space Race 2! *gasp*

So what exactly are the setbacks in NASA's lunar plans? Well, first off there are technical glitches such as an excessively shaky launch and a difficult to open hatch door which remind some of the Apollo 1 launch pad fire. Second, a single motor went over budget by $80 million. And third, the plan includes launching without enough water for the astronauts. So, let me get this straight, they will be launching late, over budget, with dehydrated astronauts, who if they don't burn to death on the launch pad won't even be able to get out the door if they ever do land on the Moon. We have come a long way in these last 4 decades, have we not?

At least Google is coming to save the day. If anyone can sort this out the big G can. They are offering the Google Lunar X Prize: $20 million to the first privately funded team to successfully land a robot on the Moon. Too bad that's only a robot. And too bad that it would probably cost someone more than $20 million to enact that plan. But I'm sure it won't be long before we see Google AdWords when we look up at the Moon.

Magician Pulls Groundhog out of hat

2008-02-04T11:11:00.000-05:00

Punxsutawney Phil says, "Winter will end soon."

I say, "Winter has begun?"

The Earth says, "Winter has been canceled until further notice."

Bill Murray says, "I have a strange feeling of Deja Vu."

Lost in Space

2008-02-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

Lost has always been praised for its use of flashbacks to develop its characters and wow its audiences. But now it has reached a pivot point where they are all flash-forwards. This has created an interesting lack of suspense on certain plot points. For instance, we know some characters get off the island. Additionally, we know these characters live, so when they are in life threatening situations, there is no suspense about them getting killed. Let's remember that suspense isn't everything. American Beauty carries a wonderful narrative despite that fact that you know Kevin Spacey dies from the very beginning. Despite the audience knowing that soon they will no longer be Lost, the show still works. Perhaps the biggest reason why it continues to intrigue is that the arch plot is more on track than ever. The show seems to be building (albeit slowly) towards one final gigantic conclusion that will rock everyone's world. Of course, this conclusion is apparently that they make it off the island, but then want to get back on... a la Rescue from Gilligan's Island.

Meta-Reality Shows

2008-01-13T17:57:00.000-05:00

Perhaps it was just a natural course of events. Perhaps the Writer's Guild Strike helped it along. Perhaps it is the tipping point. But, Donald Trump has introduced Celebrity Apprentice, where "successful" celebrities compete to see who is the best in his eyes.

On the surface, it seems like a reasonable idea. Celebrities are businessmen after all and are in the business of making lots of money. Donald Trump himself has gained celebrity status simply by making lots of money. But the last time I checked, any true "celebrity" wouldn't be caught dead on a reality show, because they have an actual career going on. Reality shows are for washed up celebrities. Examples abound, but off the top of my head, see: Dancing with the "Stars", Gene Simmons' Family Jewels, or My Fair Brady.

I think what we are seeing here is the beginning of the rise of the meta-reality show. Not that we are close to running out of ideas for new reality show concepts, but still, what a great business decision in and of itself, to decide to make a reality show that gathers "celebrities" from other reality shows and makes them compete against each other. This new Apprentice includes, amongst others, Gene Simmons, who has his own reality show ...Family Jewels, and also Piers Morgan, an America's Got Talent judge. This is the next step in the evolution of reality television. Where people who are at this point in time only "famous" for being on some reality show, and now competing to see who is the most "famous" on some other reality show. It's like a best of the worst competition.

Now all we need is a meta-meta-reality show, where the same contestants are judged on how well they performed on the reality show where they were judged on how well they did in their previous reality show. Kind of a cross between Monday morning quarterbacking and an Apprentice reunion episode, I guess.

Reality truly is stranger than fiction.

P.S. It is worth noting, that this idea follows a British spoof of Apprentice. So not only does life imitate art, but also seriousness imitates humor. So really, this isn't an innovative American concept, but rather a lot like how America ripped off "The Office" to create it's own version. I bet the Brits are thinking, "Those Yanks don't get it. It was supposed to be funny." ... in both cases.

God Bless!

2007-11-24T20:05:00.000-05:00

Someone sneezes. Do you say, "Bless you" or "gesundheit"? This is not merely a matter of English vs German. It's actually a religious vs. secular debate. "Bless You" is short for "God Bless You", based on the "theory" that sneezes are caused by a devil inhabiting the body. Although modern scientists have no better theory about the cause of sneezes (or yawns for that matter), I'm fairly certain that devils have better things to do than make humans say "achoo" involuntarily. Meanwhile, "gesundheit" is German for "health", wishing health to a person who may be coming down with a cold, hence the sneezing. This seems like a much more reasonable thing to say when someone sneezes.
Sneezing is the the only bodily function after which the guilty party does not have to excuse himself, but instead the social burden falls upon someone else to say something. But does anyone really think of what they are saying? I do. And I prefer to say "gesundheit", because it leaves God out of the equation.

Harvest

2007-10-18T16:59:00.000-05:00

Before it was canceled, Fall, or Autumn, used to be called simply "harvest" back when food used to be harvested from the earth. In these enlightened times, everyone knows that food comes from supermarkets wrapped in plastic year-round. Harvest just wouldn't make sense anymore unless it referred to something else we consume wrapped in plastic...

Television rebounds this Fall with a new round of new material. Unlike last season, in which many shows had me excited, and even one of them is still on the air (yay 30 Rock!), this season overall makes me yawn. Pushing Daisies is not only easily the best new network offering, but also stands as one of the few worth mentioning at all. But I'll take it! It's exactly as if Tim Burton made a TV show, which is what we were all hoping far all along, right? Everything about it is charming, almost too much so. And the fact that the two main characters are in love but can never touch adds that perfect bittersweet cherry on top. In addition to all this, it taps into my favoritism of shows dealing with death (for instance, Six Feet Under, and Dead Like Me) It's brilliant. I hope I'm yaying it's return next season.

As for original new cable shows, I cannot deny how excellent Californication is. I was skeptical at first, but it consistantly intrigues me with the subject matters with which it deals. Plus it reminds me of an excellent old HBO show called Dream On (finally available on DVD after all these years). Marten from Dream On pined for his old ex who was now with a more successful man, similar to Hank from Californication. Martin was a book editor, and Hank is a book writer. Both are able to have many sexual encounters with women and even a few relationships (defined as: a women who appears in more than one episode). The only real difference between the two is that Marten was a straight edge guy who lived in New York, and Hank is a alcholic drug user who lives in LA. I failed to get this post up before the first season of this series ended, but luckily, it has already been renewed for a second season (yay!).

Notable returning shows include:

America's Next Top Model, whose most recent season has been watchable. I see Heather in at least the top three if not walking away with the whole thing. Apparently, America agrees with me, because viewers have voted her Cover Girl of the Week 6 out of 7 times so far. Her natural beauty is only enhanced by her social awkwardness.
But the most exciting news for me personally is that I know one of the girls on the show (who was eliminated last week, boo). She was even a housemate for a while. It is new sensation for me to see someone I know on television. It is the opposite sensation as when I went to the So You Think You Can Dance show this past weekend, that is to say I was seeing people I knew from TV in real life.

The Sarah Silverman Program. Absofuckinglutely brilliant. Warning, if you are easily offended you probably should steer clear of this one. Did I mention that for Californication above? Well I probably should have.

Weeds, where we finally get to see an Olsen act. (pause) Act like a pothead virgin-slut. It's really the only reason I'm still watching. This series has become way too dark and depressing for me.

And don't forget to get out of the supermarket, go outside... find a farmers market and go grab a small carrot that has dirt all over it and just take a bite out of it. Remind youself that life comes from the ground, not the shelf.

Isolation Tank

2007-09-11T07:32:00.000-05:00

I got myself a new pair of headphones. I have long been suffering with lousy earbuds that were inadequate for my bus ride to work. The bus engine noise is so loud that I could not listen to quiet things (such as the movie scores I like). Even when listening to loud music, I had to listen too loud in order to block out the noise. This was exacerbated by the fact that my hearing is not as great as it once was because of too many concerts and loud headphone usage in the first place when I was young. Despite my bus ride being only 10 minutes, the situation was far from ideal, so I decided to do something about it.

I chose audio-technica's QuietPoint ATH-ANC7's, because they got good reviews on Amazon and Wired magazine said they are better than the Bose at less than half the price. I am pleased with my purchase. They silence my surroundings significantly, while at the same time vastly improving the quality of my music. Even crappy low bit mp3s of dubious origin sound much better through these cans. I've been going through my music library re-listening to old favorites and hearing lyrics and melodic parts I have never heard before. They are that good. And I can hear everything even at very low volumes, including the bass bits. They are also great for wearing without music simply to exist in peaceful silence. I really cannot say enough good things about them. And as for negative things? They are just weird. For one, the headphones only block noises coming from without, and as a result, simple things, such as chewing, swishing listerene, or even walking easily become a amplimtudinous cacophony. Even chewing a tator tot sounds like stomping through a foot of snow in boots. Walking creates a resonating THUMP THUMP that makes me feel like attack of the 50 foot man.

Then there is the fact that by depriving one sense, your body notices the others more strongly. For instance, I was on the busride home enjoying my music, and the guy sitting next to me stunk like B.O. And I was thinking, ooo, these headphones don't block that out. I need more isolation. Perhaps I could carry around my own air. I mean why not, people carried around bottled water, why not bottled air?

But even if I did that, some dude with ugly feet who decided to wear sandals today will almost assuredly come sit across from me. Ugh, I don't want to look at that shit. So I'm going to need some Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses.

Wait, now that I think of it, it's kinda hot in here. Maybe I just need one of those air-conditioned suits that astronauts wear. Yeah, that's the ticket. Complete climate control. Then I can listen to my music in complete peace (and probably miss my stop).

You cannot see anything, hear anything, taste anything, feel anything...

American Band(stand)

2007-08-15T21:31:00.000-05:00

This week marks the end of So You Think You Can Dance. Three episodes aired this week, but they were the last three. Everyone who reads this space knows that I have been a big fan of Lacey and:
The good news is that So You Think You Can Dance has been renewed for another season. Furthermore, it has gone on a traveling tour with the top ten finalists, which I plan to see in Greensboro, NC. The other good news is, as predicted by me, The Search for the next great American Band, has had its title shortened. They have chosen "American Band" which reminds me both at once of "American Idol" and "American Bandstand".
The bad news is that Lacey lost. The only consolation is that a woman won for the first time ever (Sabra, pictured), so I can't be bitter and say that since the viewers of this show are mostly women, as mentioned in a previous post, they simply vote for the cutest guy (not too dissimilar from the US Presidential Election).
In any event, in even better news, right about now marks a point at which the summer season is wrapping up. Meaning that we will soon be at the end of many summer filler shows and are soon to return to non-summer, mostly non-reality shows. Soon, I will be able to comment on Fall previews and the quality of the writing therein. Hopefully, it will not leave us reminiscing for reality shows of old.

The Real Reality Show

2007-08-12T16:53:00.001-05:00

Everyone complains that reality shows aren't "real". They are scripted, or at least edited or controlled in some fashion that makes them "fake". And reality competitions even less so. They are like being on a game show, which is about as unreal as imaginable. If I am in the supermarket and I guess the price of something, I don't win a damned thing. And worst of all there is no big wheel I can spin that if it lands on a dollar I win money. It's all a fantasy.

But usually, the object of the show IS real. Contestants compete by singing, sewing clothes, cooking food, dancing, or other various things that everyone would agree are not fantasy. There is no "Who Wants to be the Next Tooth Fairy" or "...Easter Bunny." But Stan Lee did create a show about people competing to become a superhero. Last season when I started watching the SciFi original series, Who Wants to Be a Superhero?, I thought two things: who doesn't want to be a superhero? and WTF? No one can actually be a superhero, superpowers don't exist. But after watching the entire season I realized that this show is incredible. What really impressed me right from the start is that this show has heart. The kindness, compassion, and good-nature of the contestants was a breath of fresh air, especially having come right off of harsh competitions such as Project Runway. Other reality shows have the contestants fighting tooth and nail to be the best at one thing. To win they will do anything, including make their rivals look worse at that one thing. This works fine if you are competing over a normal thing. But to be a superhero, you don't just have to be the best at something. You have to be good. Good with a capital "G". You have to be a good person. Otherwise, you are a villain. This changes everything.

On Project Runway once, a woman appeared to befriend other contestants, but really was pretending just to get ahead in the competition. It was caught on camera, and everyone was aware of it, but the judges turned a blind eye because they are only judging the quality of the clothes she tailored.
On Next Top Model all the girls are happy when a particularly pretty girl leaves because she was competition to them, or cheerful when someone they didn't get along with is eliminated because they all have to live under the same roof.
On Superhero, people cry when other contestants leave. In season one, one contestant attempted to insist that she leave instead of someone else because she felt the other person deserved to win. She locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out until she could speak with an executive producer to beg to leave instead of the other contestant. This is highly unusual behavior. This is like giving the correct response on Jeopardy but then protesting "No, Alex, I want another contestant to have the money instead because they are more worthy than me."

Superhero, which at first seems like a joke, is truly the only reality show on TV that has any heart. The contestants are competing against one another, but moreover are constantly fighting to always do the right thing. To be a better person. The rise above average humanity. Being a superhero isn't about flying or bullets bouncing off of you. It's about returning a lost child to her parents. It's about being a team player. It's about not being deceptive.
On season 1, Stan eliminated one contestant because she admitted that she was only on the show because she thought it would help her ailing acting career (her admission was caught on hidden camera, but octogenarian Stan sees all and nixed her because of it, unlike the Project Runway example above).
This show forces it's contestant to really answer the questions "Do you have what it takes to be a superhero?" and "Why do you want to be a superhero?" I have practically watched ever cycle of Next Top Model, and they have asked every contestant those same two questions, "Do you have what it takes to be America's Next Top Model" and "Why do you want to be a model?" and I have yet to hear any of the girls give a decent answer. Really, all that matters is if they photo well, if they have a runway walk, and if they have a marketable look. There is nothing to say that the best model in the world could be truly evil. Being a model is isn't being a role-model, but being a hero is. Being a superhero has morals tied to it. You can be super, but you are either a superhero or a supervillain depending on your moral alignment.

While they may wear silly costumes, this show is serious. You owe it to yourself to check it out. Whether or not you like comic books. Whether or not you like reality shows.

GRSSK

2007-08-12T08:41:00.000-05:00

Remember how I said I liked to watch Age of Love not because it was good (which it wasn't), but rather because I was about to turn thirty and was interested in the shows premise of exploring the ins and outs of dating older women versus younger women? Well, I didn't learn much.
Another show that isn't good and you can't learn much from is GRΣΣK , which I like to watch it because I miss being in college. Not that my college even had fraternities, but still. They say that people who think High School was the best time in their life are in for a lifetime of disappointment thereafter. But what about people like me who thought college was the best. Do we not share a similar fate? (In fact, if anything were indeed the best, wouldn't everything that follows be at least a bit of a disappointment?) I don't feel I will ever again be in such a situation where so many people in my age group, sharing similar interests, are all easily accessible in walking distance. Learning amazing things was a daily experience, and so was fun. Now I just go to work, pay bills, and do chores. Bummer.

Anyway, back to this fictional show, which is was too middle-class-mainstream to actually be decent, but is still fun to watch to a certain extent. It explores the world of three fictional Greek houses (two frats and one sorority) told mostly from the point of view of two siblings. Popular sorority girl "Casey" (played by Kelsey's daughter, Spencer Grammer) wants her power and influence unaffected by the presence of her loser geeky brother "Rusty" who wants to join a frat, have fun, leave behind his geeky past, and at the same time major in Physics. Good luck Rusty (if that doesn't work out for you, I'm sure they'll save you a role in Revenge of the Nerds 5).

The good news is that the show was recently renewed for another 10 episodes giving us a full first season to find out what happens to Rusty and his handsome sister. Well, at least she is handsomer to me than her father, Fraiser, is.

The bad news is that the shows title has a spelling error of sorts. Not to be a stickler, but ABC Family has used the capital letter Sigma for the e's, thus spelling "GRSSK." I didn't expect historical accuracy (e.g. the authentic garb produced by the costume department on HBO's "Rome"), but I also didn't expect errors like this, intentional or not. This show doesn't even contain many historical facts, it is about the present day, not ancient Greece (Grssce?), so what would there be to get wrong (they at least got the date of the Vesuvius eruption correct in this weeks episode). Let's explore what could have been done:

GRΣΣK: as it is currently. admittedly, it looks kinda cool, but doesn't make any sense.

GRςςK: this is with a lower-cased SIGMA, and exacerbates how silly using this letter really is

GRΕΕK: This is a with a capitol Epsilon, although no one would know it, since it looks precisely like our "E"

GRεεK: this is the way they should have done it, with the lower cased Epsilon, but the rest of the work should probably be in lower cased too (except the G) making a: "Grεεk"

Anyway, I don't really care about this stuff. I do have a bachelors degree in Linguistics and took 4 years of Latin, but only losers like Rusty would even bother to point this out (okay, I blogged about it, but it's not like I wrote a letter to ABC Family, and oh I bet there are people who have!). They can call their show whatever they want. This is ABC Family, not PBS. I'm not going to make them hold a burning match until they can say the entire Greek alphabet properly or get burnt trying. Maybe I'm just bitter because I miss those red cups from the logo as a sign of better times. *Sigh*

Ah, bittersweet NΦSTΛLGIΛ.

Half Your Age Plus Seven?

2007-08-11T20:23:00.000-05:00

Age of Love finished this past week, and it answered the question "Does Age Really Matter?" with the answer everyone expected: a resounding "Yes!" Of the two remaining women, the winner Amanda was one year shy of twice as young as her rival.
So, if age does really matter, in what way does it matter?
According to wikipedia, there is a simple mathematical formula that determines what is socially acceptable: half your age plus seven. Using Age of Love as an example, Mark is 30 and Amanda is 25, so Mark is in the clear, because 30/2=15 and 15+7=22.
From the beginning I have thought that younger women on this show had the simple advantage that young people will eventually be old, but not vice versa. In other words, if Mark stays with Amanda long enough, he will have a 25 year old (now) and then a 40 year old (in 15 years).

My Cat Pissed Me Off

2007-08-08T17:59:00.000-05:00

My feline house mate is know to occasionally piss where she's not supposed to. Mostly she likes to piss on bunched up cloth, like laundry lying about, although she has been known to piss on a couch as well, in the past. Once she hopped on my lap and just started pissing, but that was long time ago and things have gotten better since she was spayed. She's mellowed out (having your womanhood removed must certainly change things), I have two litter boxes (did you know they recommend having one more litter box than you have cats?), and she's trained me not to leave laundry lying around, which is a good thing anyway (domestication is a two way street after all).
For some reason, despite her propensity to urinate on soft clothy things, I always had a suspicion that she would piss in the drier if she had the chance, and made a point to close the door immediately. My suspicions were were right. This past weekend, I inadvertently left the door open while I was hanging up my shirts in the the other room. Wednesday morning, I was about to dry a load when I found a puddle of pee in the bottom of my drier.
Wow. This turned out to be the beginning of a string of events which could be called a "bad day". The pee is still there and I am questioning what I should do about it before I run out of clothes to wear. I was thinking of siphoning it out, but I don't want to suck on a tube that has cat piss on the other end.
I can't help but even think of the logistics of a cat pissing in a clothes drier. Standing with her feet up on the sides of the circle and pissing. And then trying to get out without stepping in it? That's gotta take dedication. And she knows it's wrong. I know she knows. She has to be acting out.
While we're on the cat waste management and potty-topic, when I am scooping the cat poop into the toilet, I lift the seat and under the seat it says "Olsonite" and I can't help but think of the Olsen twins. Does Mary Kate puke into an Olsonite toilet?

Big (Age of) Love

2007-08-01T18:56:00.000-05:00

Darn. Meagan eliminated herself from Age of Love because she is afraid of airplanes. I guess I can't really blame her. I fear flying myself. Oh well, at least Amanda is left. One 25 year old and one 48 year old. I think we all know who is going to win.

But Age of Love isn't the only show where women of different ages vie for the attention of one man. Big Love is another show where I have grown especially fond of the younger woman over the others. Let me start by saying that I didn't like this show at first. I have been watching every episode for almost two seasons now even though I wasn't quite getting it. But recently the show has had some good moments, so I'm glad I stuck with it. When Bill removed his ring to flirt with a potential 4th wife, that was when it started getting better. And now that he has requested every 7th night off from all of his wives for "me-time", my interest continues to peak. This show has finally started to address the issues that it should. What is monogamy? What is polygamy? What is the difference between having multiple wives and committing adultery? How can multiple wives be okay, while sex out of wedlock remains immoral? Polygamy disgusts many people, and those people most likely will never watch this show and see it discuss the issues that make them uncomfortable. I am an open minded guy, and I think consenting adults should do whatever they want, but I wouldn't want polygamy for myself... heck one woman can be too much for me to handle at imes. But I think I finally get this show.

In cognitive psychology one can learn the most about a "normally" functioning brain by studying the extremes. For instance, in Linguistics, one can learn the most about how the brain processes language by studying cases in which that process works abnormally. For instance, studying aphasia or children in the process of learning the language can reveal things that studying average speakers cannot. In Big Love, we can learn the most about monogamy, or even being single, from studying polygamy. I'm not saying polygamy is like a disease, like a speech impediment. It 's just that it makes us question what is most fundamental. Like how good sci-fi isn't really about aliens or technology, but instead is about examining the human spirit.

But getting back to my point, Margie is my favorite of Bill's wives. She's so cute and adorable. And besides, the other two are bitchy and old. I better stop right now before Bill kicks my ass.

Babylon 6

2007-07-26T21:32:00.000-05:00

Almost as if to celebrate my birthday, JMS has released "The Lost Tales" a direct-to-video continuation of the TV series Babylon 5.

Babylon 5 is my favorite sci-fi series of all time. It starts off a little slow, and has some bumpy patches, but it delivers arc-plot in spades. All 110 episodes tell one epic space-opera story of massive scale and detail. Each season unfolds beautifully like a flower, slowly releasing details of JMS's master design. This amazing achievement was made possible by the fact that JMS wrote 91 of the 110 episodes, including a staggering 60 episodes in a row (a record for TV drama). The series plays out as a novel, with a distinct beginning, middle, and end. And each season finale is a breathtaking event full of surprises, reveals, and moments that make you go "wow". The show's strength is also its weakness: it only really leaves an impression if you watch it all.

And this brings us to perhaps a problem with its continuation. Will more B5 be a good thing? The original series was conceived and executed in its entirety. Everything that comes out now is not part of that (not cannon?). And as B5 becomes episodic, does it not lose its charm? Originally JMS had an all encompassing vision. Now he's just coming up with some more ideas (perhaps stinky ideas like "Jeremiah").

There are of course unanswered questions from the "end" of the original series, that us fans hope will be answered. And JMS claims he has more awesome ideas. But on the other hand we lost two actors from the original series, one arguably the strongest actor from the show (Andreas Katsulas). Yet I am still excited about this anyway. If anyone out there decides to check it out, be sure to watch the entire original series first. And be patient, it takes time to grab a hold of you, but ultimately, it's all worth it. And is an experience you will never forget.

A Mule Foals

2007-07-26T20:53:00.000-05:00

A mule gave birth in Colorado. Just like in Jurassic Park, Nature always finds a way. Perhaps this particular mule had frog DNA spliced in.
As we were all taught in high school biology, a mule technically isn't a species, precisely because it cannot sire offspring. But I appears that a mule can reproduce, but only really really rarely. Does this mean that we have discovered a new species? If so, this new species has automatically becomes an endangered species. It can not survive without human intervention. We must breed horses with donkeys or else mules will go extinct. Before when we thought they couldn't breed at all, things were different. Mules were a freak. A chimera. But if mules can breed, even rarely, that means they are a species, and therefore should be protected under the Endangered Species Act.

Another Two Bite the Dust

2007-07-26T20:10:00.000-05:00

In these past two weeks, two reality shows which I have been writing about for a while have come their natural seasonal ends (guess I will have to find something else to write about). Both American Inventor and Next Best Thing had their final audience votes and picked their winners.

I often find the end of a reality season to be anti-climatic. I don't know if it's because the seasons run a little too long and I get sick of them by the end, or because often the people who I want to win are eliminated long before the end, or if simply I don't like the final result.

I have been disappointed with scripted shows' endings too, and perhaps that is even more disappointing. Those types of shows are run by "professionals" whereas reality shows are, at the end, run by an angry mob similar to the one who went after Frankenstein's monster.

Let's face it: endings are difficult. Writers fear them. And audiences are very critical of them. I, for one, know that a bad ending can ruin an otherwise decent story for me. And a great ending can elevate an otherwise lackluster story, at least a little bit. And when I say story I mean movie/book/TV series.

And at this point I'm having a problem finding an ending for this entry. So I'll just end it here. How anti-climatic.

Deconstructing 21st Century Reality Competitions Part 4: The Future of Reality Competition Shows

2007-07-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

What does the future hold? Well if the Hollywood can't negotiate successfully with the Writer's and Actor's Guilds, it could mean a whole lot more Reality TV than we are even seeing now. Will people get tired of Reality TV? Is it a fad? Or is it a genre that will stay with us for a long time, like sitcom? The network execs are trying to make sure it sticks around as long as possible by offering lots of different variety in the choosings. Looking at some upcoming reality shows, will this diversification be enough to extend staying power?

Variation on a theme:
Most reality shows are compared to other reality shows. So You Think You Can Dance is like American Idol, but with dancing instead of singing. Shear Genius is like Project Runway but with designing hair instead of clothing. A Cosmopolitan is like a Margarita, except with Vodka in place of Tequila, and Cranberry Juice in place of Lime Juice. Erm, never mind that last one.
This substitution trend continues with The Search for the Next Great American Band. airing Fridays this Fall on Fox at 8pm EST. What American Idol did for individuals, The Search for the Next Great American Band is going to do for musical groups. At eleven syllables, this is certainly one of the longest titled reality shows around. I wouldn't be surprised if they renamed it to something shorter by the time it airs, if for no other reason than to be able to fit in an extra commercial. Will this new show be a hit show in a time when the charts are ruled by mostly solo acts? (7 of the top 10 songs currently on the Billboard Hot 100 list are solo artists) I've always liked bands, and I think the show could be interesting to watch if two things are true:

they let the bands write their own music
they mean real bands with like instruments and shit (like Aerosmith), not boy bands, like N'Sync

Narrowing the focus:
Another way to expand Reality TV offerings is to take an existing show and make it more specific. That's the aim of Fore Inventors Only, Golf Channel's new reality show. This show is like American Inventor, but all of the inventions have to be golf inventions. For instance Vincent Brookins and David Cotton spent $70,000 to develop the Clean and Drop, which is a three and one device that cleans and dries golf clubs and balls. Yeah, I use a towel to do that. Hm. Wait a minute, the Clean and Drop looks like a towel to me. Hey! It is a towel! (I know Doulgas Adams taught us all the importance of a towel, but 70 grand seems a little steep. I paid a lot less for my towel. This one must have a really high thread count or something. No wait, it just has a sponge sown into it. Sigh.) So I've got a golf invention. It's a bag. Just a bag. You carry your clubs in it. I've sown a sponge onto it. I call it the Clean and Carry and it's $85,000.

Lowering the bar:
Why offer the contestants big cash prizes and lucrative contracted positions when they are perfectly willing to fight over Flavor Flav. I mean seriously, what the fuck? That guy looks like a smashed thumb. Here are three pictures. Two are busted thumbs wearing Viking hats and only one is the actual Flavor Flav. See if you can pick which one (answer at the end of the article):But, the point is, if contestants are willing to fight over something that is worthless, then that's one less bit of money you have to spend to produce your show. It used to be that if you were doing a scripted show, you had to pay writers, actors, etc. And if you were doing a game show you at least had to have some prize money or something. Now, the editors do the job of the writers, contestants do the job of the actors, and the "prize" is a thumb that was driven over by a truck. Eventually they will find a way to make TV shows for free. How about So You Think You Can Make a Reality Show?, where the contestants compete to film, edit, and produce the show itself. You wouldn't have to hire or pay anyone. And the prize could be you get to watch the show when it's finished.

(That reminds me of when you go to the grocery store and there are those self service lines where you can scan your own groceries. They want me to do their job for them? Oh sure, while I'm there how about I stock some shelves, put some price tags on things, and round up all the shopping carts in the parking lot too. Then they could lay off their whole staff. Hell, why don't I just grow my own food.)

Oh, by the way it was a trick question, there was no Flavor Flav. That was actually just a picture of three busted thumbs.

How Many Deathly Hallows Can You Fit on a Bus?

2007-07-26T07:22:00.000-05:00

I had a good bus ride to work this morning. The bus ride is a strange social situation similar to riding an elevator. Strangers are forced to be in closer proximity than they would otherwise desire and there are rules governing behavior in such situations (be quiet, avoid eye contact). At first I thought everyone on the bus looked dower because they were on a bus ("I wish I had a car") or maybe because they are commuting to work ("I hate my job") or maybe because they are commuting home ("I hate my kids"), but now I just think everyone has to zone out into their own space and because of this end up appearing sad. If anyone were a smiling fool on the bus, they would look insane. I'm new to this whole bus thing, and the first couple times I said "Good morning", "Hello", or "Thanks" while boarding or alighting the bus, but he was either silent or nearly growled at me, so now I just shut up.
I judge the quality of my bus ride based on one sole criterion. How many people are reading the new Harry Potter book during the commute. The less the better. This morning there were none for the first time. Therefore, it was a decent commute.
Video games can be rated based on the shortest amount of time it takes a player to reach the first crate. Days can be rated on the shortest amount of time until I see someone carrying a Harry Potter book.
I can't believe how many people I see lugging this heavy tome around. It's got to be heavier than a laptop. The bus ride is like 10 minutes, so I can't imagine they really need to bring such a large book on such a short trip. They can probably only barely get through a dozen adverbs in that time. They could read it at home, or if they have a job where they can just read all day (lucky bastards) then they could leave it in their bag during the bus ride. These people must simply be showing off. "Oh, look at me, I'm reading the new Harry Potter. I stood in line to get it last Friday, and here I am reading it. Aren't I special?" So why were their none this morning? Perhaps they finished it in a week already (reading an average of 130 pages per day). Perhaps they are tired of carrying around something so heavy. Perhaps the new Harry Potter book has become unfashionable already. "Oh, that old thing. That is so 144 hours ago." I certainly hope so, because I never got into Harry Potter, the movies or the books, and perhaps I never will. I'm glad it's over. Kinda like the Star Wars movies. Now we can all collectively move on to liking good stuff again.